Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Someone’s in Trouble
I was furious. I was more than furious. I was livid. Best friends are supposed to be honest and upfront with each other. My best friend, on the other hand, kept an extremely important little detail from me that I should have known about. This was not going to be pretty. I was on my way to see my supposed “friend.” I just couldn’t believe after everything we’ve been through he would pull this. I felt betrayed. I felt embarrassed. I felt like I wasn’t important enough to him for him to tell me the truth.
When I arrived at his place I sat in my car trying to put my thoughts together. I got so frustrated from trying to work it all out in my head so I decided I would just wing it. I got to his door and started banging on it like there was no tomorrow. I felt my face grow hot and I was ready to let my words fly.
“JD!” I screamed as I kept banging on the door. “Open up!”
“Hold on, hold on, I’m comin!” I heard his muffled voice through the door.
I took a deep breath when he got to the door. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.
“What happened? Is everything okay?” He asked worriedly.
Nothing prepared me for the sate of his undress when he opened the door. He must have been in the shower because he was standing there in nothing but a towel around his waist. I couldn’t help but stand there and stare at his well chiseled physique. My thoughts of anger went completely out the window for a minute there.
I eventually snapped myself out of it and remembered the real reason I was there in the first place. I finally looked him in the eyes and he was staring at me with a questioning look.
I pushed passed him to go inside.
“What’s up?” He asked still confused.
“What’s up? I don’t know. You tell me.” I demanded
“What’s wrong with you?” He asked to the obvious irritation in my voice.
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?!” My voice got louder.
“Uh, nothing. What are you so pissed about?” He was dumbfounded.
“I’ll give you one guess.” I told him.
“I have no idea what’s going on here.” He stated completely clueless.
This conversation seemed to be going nowhere so far. I was never good at confrontation.
“There’s not anything you wanted to tell me? Maybe something important that I should know about?” I asked calmly.
He still had that clueless look on his face. “Noooo.” He said.
“No?” I questioned.
He shook his head.
“How about a little something that happened recently that the two of us were a part of?” I raise my eyebrows at him.
He narrowed his eyes in thought. I couldn’t take it anymore. He just wasn’t getting it.
“I’m talking about the other night! And don’t play dumb with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about!” I yelled.
The realization quickly showed on his face. He was about to talk but I started before he could say a word.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I straight up asked you what happened and you lied to me!” I argued.
“Look, I can explain.” He started to plead with me. Before he was about to explain he realized he was still in a towel. “First of all, I’m going to throw some clothes on. Just hold on.” He said as he ran off to change. It took him about five minutes before he came back. Meanwhile I was still standing where he left me fuming.
“Look, I…I’m sorry. It’s just I was afraid of how you would react and I wasn’t even sure how to react about it myself.” He explained.
“But you should have told me when I asked you.” I interrupted.
“I know! I just panicked ok.” He said.
“So you just completely avoid it? What happened to being honest with each other? We’ve known each other for practically our whole lives. I think that’s a pretty important piece of information to tell me!” I was getting even angrier by the minute.
“Well you would have known if you hadn’t drank so much that night!” He argued back angrily. I couldn’t believe he threw that in my face.
“Excuse me? Now this is my fault?” This argument was not going to be pretty.
“It takes two to tango honey and you being drunk was the kicker! You started it!” JD was fuming just as much as I was. I was shocked at his sudden burst of anger. This was unbelievable. We’ve had fights before but not ones where we were screaming at each other so much.
“Well, I didn’t see you stopping it!” I retorted.
“What was I suppose to do? You were all over me!” He asked.
“You could have stopped it! If I recall you grabbed me closer first! If you held me any tighter I wouldn’t have been able to breath.” This was getting way out of hand but I couldn’t back down. We were nose to nose both breathing heavy with anger.
My mind was reeling. I barely understood what was going on in front of me. All I felt was that I was blinded by anger. I felt like I was losing my mind. How did it all come down to this? I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out of the situation.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I said shaking my head and heading to the door.
“What?” JD asked surprised. He stopped me before I got to the door.
“This is me we’re talking bout, me of all people. How could you disrespect me like that? And I’m not talking about us kissing. I’m talking about you lying to me. You lied. And to lie about something like that…I don’t even know what to say. You’re my best friend. We tell each other everything.” I pleaded.
“What was I suppose to do? You were upset about everything with your ex. I didn’t want to make it worse. It was too much all at once.” He said.
“You didn’t need to spare my feelings. Just in case you didn’t notice, I’m a big girl.” I told him.
“I know.” He whispered.
“If not now when were you going to tell me?” I asked curiously.
“I was going to wait for the right time.” He answered.
“There will never be a right time for that kind of information between friends. You just should have told me.” I scolded.
“Either way you would have gotten upset. There’s was no avoiding a fight if I told you.” He said.
“I would have rather fought over the truth than a lie.” I reiterated.
“I would rather not fight at all.” He added. I looked at him with pain in my eyes.
“I….I….I can’t, I can’t even look at you right now.” I said as tears welled up in my eyes.
“Wait,” His voice softened. “Please don’t go? I know I should have told you I just….I don’t…” He stuttered. “I’m sorry.” He apologized.
He always had a way of tugging at my heart strings. I felt a piece of my heart break.
“Look, maybe we should just stay away from each other for a while. I just can’t do this right now.” I said emotionless.
I made the mistake of looking at his face before I walked out the door. He looked so completely broken. I barely got to my car before the tears started streaming down my face. I went home and cried myself to sleep.
The weeks after me and JD’s big blow out went extremely slow. I felt like a zombie most of the time. I pretty much just went through the motions. When I wasn’t working I was at home sulking.
I never thought there would be a day that I would almost lose my best friend this way. I didn’t know if I overreacted or if my intentions were right. I guess I just felt betrayed. It wasn’t even the fact that we kissed even though that was a big deal in itself. It was more of the fact that he lied straight to my face. Ever since we were little we made a pact that we would always be truthful to each other. Maybe I was just an idiot to think childhood promises would still run true in adulthood.
The more I thought about it the more I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to talk to JD. I had to stop being so stubborn and fix this. I wasn’t going to lose my friend over something like this. I felt so bad about it. I was still a bit mad that he lied to me but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be worked out. We needed to talk about it. I was itching to know why the kiss happened in the first place. I mean yea I was a bit drunk but that’s no excuse. My brain was on overload.
It was the weekend so I decide to stop by his place and hoped he would be home. I didn’t feel like calling to check because it was going to be awkward enough talking about things in person. I was just going to wing it.
I arrived to his place around 11am. I probably spent about 10 minutes in my car just trying to muster up the courage to go to his door. His car was in the driveway so he had to be home. That just made me even more nervous. I finally just took a deep breath and made my way up to his door. I rang the doorbell quickly before I could chicken out. He didn’t answer so I rang it again. At first I thought maybe he wasn’t home after all. The only other person he could have been with if he left his car home would be Jessie. Then I remembered Jessie was already with Lacey for the day. I had a spare key to JD’s place so I decided to just use it. Maybe he was in the shower or something. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I used said key.
With slight hesitance I opened the door. My heart started racing as I stepped inside. Before I could call out his name I heard a door close upstairs. JD appeared at the top of the stairs in just pajama pants. Apparently he liked to be shirtless when he was home by himself. Before I got distracted by his bare chest like I did the last time, I focused on his face. He looked very drawn and hung over. It made me feel even worse for fighting with him.
“Soph?” He asked a bit surprised to see me.
“Hey,” I said nervously.
He started down the stairs quickly. When he got to me he had urgency in his eyes. I started blabbing first before he could say anything.
“Look, I have been in agony since we fought. I’m sorry for snapping at you. I was just surprised and I didn’t know how to react. I mean…I just…I don’t even know what to say right now. I miss you. We should really talk about it, ya know?”
There was a long pause and we looked at each other with such intensity. I didn’t know that to do or think. It seemed like we stood there forever and at the same time it also seemed like we were moving closer together. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. Just when he looked like he was finally going to speak, I heard a noise upstairs. I looked passed him confused. Then instead of my heart beating out of my chest, it was more like it was ripped out and stomped all over it.
“JD, come back to bed,” Vicki said in a flirty tone. It was Vicki the bitchy model who made my life hell at work. The one JD swore he wouldn't go there.
I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t speak. My whole body felt like it shut down.
“Oh, hey Sophie,” She greeted with an evil smile as she walked back to JD’s room.
I forced myself to look at JD again. When I did I instantly regretted it. I had to get out of there before I broke down all together.
“Soph…” He started as I backed away for him.
“Don’t,” I spoke barely audible.
“Please…” he begged trying to grab me before I could leave.
“Don’t touch me!” I spat back pulling away from him.
“It was a mistake.”
“Yea it was and so was this.” I said bitterly motioning to us.
I walked quickly out the door ignoring his pleas to let him explain. I knew how the conversation was going to go. He was going to apologize profusely. Then try and convince me how much of a huge mistake it was. I’ve heard similar things from boyfriends and I didn’t need to hear it from him. My heart was in so much pain that I felt like I was literally bleeding internally even though I wasn’t. I would rather get punched in the face than feel my entire world crash down around me. I don’t know how I made it home through my thoughts and tears. When I went inside I tried to forget about everyone and everything.
After that JD and I didn’t talk for over a month. I didn’t know what to say to him.Anytime I would think about it I would just get angry. I felt like if I talked to him we'd just fight more. I was tired of fighting. I had no doubt he was thinking the same thing. There were mistakes made that couldn’t be taken back. It was complicated.
Through my thoughts I heard my doorbell ring.When I answered, there stood Lacey with a look on her face that almost made me cry. She gave me a big hug.
“I brought movies and ice cream.”She said holding up some bags with a little smile.
I raise an eyebrow at her because there were quite a lot of bags in her hands for movies and ice cream.
“Did you buy the whole store?”I joked.She turned to me surprised I actually made a joke.At that point it was the first time in a while.
“Wow, a joke.Now all I need is for you to crack a little smile with that and my life is complete.”She said sarcastically.I just looked at her plainly.Her face started to grow serious.
“Sophie, I’m really worried about you.You’re not YOU anymore.Where’s that spunky sarcastic lady I know and love?”She asked genuinely concerned.
“She left along with her broken heart.” I said defeated avoiding her worried eyes.
We sat down and she put a movie in. I needed a distraction. She whipped out the ice cream and we sat in silence for a while.
Lacey has been by my side practically everyday to lift my spirits.She even brought Jessie with her a few times.I thought he would be mad at me for walking out on JD but he never mentioned a word to me about it.I appreciated the fact that they didn’t push me.I do recall a few times when they went off on there own and talked about what they could mention and what they shouldn’t.All and all there wasn’t much said about the situation.All I knew was they were both sad at the thought of there friends hurting.
“Why don’t you just talk to him?” Lacey asked through the silence. She startled me out of my thoughts.
“You wouldn’t understand.” I said.
“I wouldn’t understand? Trust me girl, I’ve seen it all. I understand more than you know.” She said sternly.
She may have an understanding but she doesn’t know me and JD. That was the problem there. She couldn’t possibly understand my dilemma with this particular person. It was a lot different from more typical situations.
I felt her gaze on me and turned to her. She must have seen the pain in my eyes because her face softened at the sight.
“Can I tell you something without you getting totally mad at me here?” She asked with hope in her eyes.
“Sure.” I hesitated.
She sat up straight and just let the words flow out.
“I think you’re scared. You’re scared because you kissed your best friend. This is the guy you so blatantly told me that there was nothing between you, the guy you grew up with and made mud pies with, the guy who you know is your everything and always will be. You’re scared because maybe some small inkling of you actually has more than friend-like feelings for him. And you’re scared that if you guys decided to be more than friends that somehow it would fail, everything would be different, and you would lose him all over again. It wasn’t supposed to happen but it did. You can’t take it back. Now you have this excuse about how it was such a big lie and you guys never lied to one another so you feel betrayed. And yea it was messed up that he slept with Vicki but it’s not like you two are actually together romantically. Technically he’s allowed to sleep with whoever he wants to. You’re either hiding behind that or you’re in complete and utter denial. With all the feelings your fighting in your head you ended the whole thing before it began. You already lost him. I know you’re probably cursing me out as I speak but I just want you to look at the bigger picture here and really think about it. That’s all I’ll say and that’s the end of it. Please don’t be mad at me. Just know I said it for your own good. Now let’s just watch sexy ass Rob Pattinson in action and sulk in ice cream. K?” She finished. She seemed scared of my response to her eye opening dialogue.
“Ok.” I whispered.
The rest of the night was quiet except little comments left here and there. It was hard to concentrate on the movie because to be honest I was shocked at what Lacey said to me. I pretended to pay attention but thoughts just kept racing through my head. What she said made me angry and confused all at once. I wasn’t mad at her because I knew she meant it with good intentions. It just really got to me. JD was my best friend and there’s no way there could possibly have been more between us. I was convinced that it was all a stupid, irresponsible mistake. Lacey was only half right. I lost him already. I was mad at not only JD but also myself. I didn’t know how this would ever get fixed and I didn’t know if it ever would.
A couple more weeks went by. JD and I still weren’t talking. It was agonizing. A part of me just wanted to call him and hear his voice. Another part of me was still mad. I also secretly wished he would be the one to get in touch with me but I got no word form him at all. I was really starting to think I was never going to see him again.
It was the weekend and Lacey came by as usual. I was curious to know if she knew any information about JD at that point. Was he upset? Was he ok? I just needed a little sense of him just to know he still existed.
While we were having lunch I asked her a question that not only surprised her but myself as well.
“Hey Lace? Have you talked to JD at all?” I said shyly.
She almost choked on her food.
“Wow, I haven’t heard you say that name in a long time missy.” She said.
“I just want to know that he’s okay is all.” I stated honestly.
“Do you even have to ask?” She looked at me sadly. I was silent for a moment before she spoke again. “Well if you’re asking if he’s alive then yes. If you’re asking about his emotional state I would say no.” She said the obvious.
I couldn’t say a word. The awkward silence in the room was eating me alive. Usually there was a certain someone who would come in at the opportune time and break that silence. Of course that person wasn’t there.
“You know what we should do today?” Lacey changed the subject.
“What?” I asked.
“We should go to the studio to clean up that room we’ve been meaning to tackle. That’ll definitely get your mind off of things.” She suggested.
“I dunno.” I hesitated.
“Come on, at least it’ll get you out of the house for a little while for this weekend. Granted its work but, hey, there’s not too many options for you right now that you won’t protest.” She gave me a lazy grin.
She had a point. Every time she made a suggestion on what to do I would protest. I wasn’t much for going out during those days. I think it was more that I didn’t want to run into anybody in particular. It was always a possibility and I avoided it at all costs. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go to the studio. It’s not like it was being occupied at the moment.
“Alright, let’s go.” I said as I motioned to the door.
Lacey jumped at the chance to get me out of the house.
We got to the studio in the nick of time. It was about time to clean up that room. It was actually our office. We never got to organize the thing. Work was always busy. I also didn’t want to hire someone to do it because I would rather put things how I wanted them. If someone else did I would be lost to where everything was. When we were there and I was thinking about it this idea was a pretty good suggestion.
“Oh man!” I heard Lacey say behind me.
“What happened?” I asked curiously.
“I left my phone in the car. Go ahead to the office. I’ll be right back.” She ran out the door before I could protest.
I headed to the office to start the organization project.
After a few minutes I was wondering what was taking Lacey so long. We didn’t park too far. Out of nowhere I heard a small commotion outside the door. I went to go see what it was. Before I got to the door someone was pushed in the office with me and almost knocked me down. The door swung closed with one swoop and was quickly locked. I ran to it to look out the small window and I saw Lacey and Jessie standing there flustered.
“We’ll be back in a little while!” Jessie shouted through the door. They left quickly and Lacey shot me an apologetic look before being pulled away.
That only meant one thing. Those two locked me and JD in a room together. I should have known they were eventually going to make plans to intervene somehow. The suggestion Lacey suggested was no longer a good one.
“I can’t believe they did this.” I thought out loud.
“I can.” I heard the voice behind me. I haven’t heard his voice in what seemed like forever.
Instead of feeling relief at that the anger only overtook me again. I turned around to see a very disheveled JD standing with his arms across his chest. “Excuse me? I hope you didn’t have anything to do with this.” I shot at him angrily.
“I wouldn’t dream of it. Besides its bad enough you’re going to be a bitch to me. I don’t need you to inflict me with any physical pain. I would have avoided this if I had the chance.” He shot back with just as much anger as I had.
I gave him a look that could kill. The silence that took over the small room was deadly. I was starting to feel extremely uncomfortable and from the look on JD’s face so was he. I didn’t know whether to scream, laugh, or cry. The silence was enough to drive my sensors on overload. I could almost feel the heat radiating out of him. He was mad. This wasn’t his normal ‘I’m mad but I’ll get over it’ attitude. It almost seemed like he was completely gone. He didn’t look like the JD I knew. I saw so much hate in his eyes. For once in my entire life I was lost on how to get through to my best friend. It pained me to see him like that. I never meant for him to suffer on my account. But he was and I instantly regretted my actions that caused such a rift in our relationship. I shouldn’t have kissed him when I was drunk. I shouldn’t have walked out on him after our fight. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did to the whole Vicki thing. Even though I think it was still messed up of him. If we reconciled this thing he wouldn’t be able to live that down. What’s done was done. I wracked my brain for a solution but I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I didn’t want to lose him. I needed him. I didn’t know what to do. I needed time to think. Being stuck in a room with him was not helping. I wanted out.
“What time is it?” I asked with hardly any emotion in my voice.
“Um…12:30.” He answered with irritation in his voice. My heart broke even more at the tone in his voice.
“This is ridiculous. I want out of here. Tell them to get me out.” I looked at him with pain stricken eyes. It felt like the walls were going to close in on me.
“Soph, they left. I doubt they’re coming back anytime soon. And how they stole our cell phones I’ll never know.” He stated annoyed.
His comment made me run to check my purse for my phone. It was nowhere to be found. I made a mental note to talk to Lacey about how it’s illegal to steal and kidnap.
I felt so beaten down and defeated. I knew we weren’t getting out of that room any time soon. I just had wishful thinking for that small request.
Being in a room with a man I thought would always be honest and truthful to me made me a bit mad. Being in a room with the man I walked out on without looking back made me sad. Being in a room with a man that slept with the enemy, made me feel both. I never felt that much pain in my life. We’ve had fights before but we always instantly forgave each other. This time it was different. There was more to it then the actions of the situations. The emotions brought on by it made it worse. We were friends forever and it was painful just knowing we hurt each other so badly.
We must have been in that room for almost an hour in complete silence. We both probably had our thoughts eating at us especially since it was so quiet. We were each at opposite ends of the room when the silence was broken by a simple statement.
“I’m sorry.” JD spoke so softly it was barely audible.
I didn’t acknowledge his apology right away. Still as low as it was I heard it. Every part of me wanted to apologize back but I needed answers first. I looked up and was shocked to see him looking right back at me. Our eyes were locked and I struggled to find my voice out of the tears that were burning to bust out.
“Why did you do it?” I asked. He looked at me struggling to find his own words.
“Do what exactly?” He played dumb. I would have made a smart remark but instead I was more specific. I knew that’s what he wanted.
“Why did you sleep with her?” I spat out.
“I was drunk. She was there. I don’t even remember it happening. It was a mistake.” He admitted.
“That’s no excuse.” I scolded.
“I know.” He looked down disappointed in himself.
“Why did you…kiss me?” I asked looking away. I couldn’t stop those words coming out. It was almost unconsciously.
JD’s breath caught in his throat. He looked shocked at my question. He probably expected me to elaborate on the first question I asked him. He looked completely unprepared to answer.
“You kissed me.” He let the words slip right out.
My eyes widened at that response. I wanted nothing more to give him a piece of my mind from that comment but I held myself together. I was going to be civil.
He had a defensive look on his face like I was going to lash out at him. But I surprised him when I didn’t hurl something across the room at him.
“I know that,” I gritted a little through my teeth. “Why did you kiss me back?”
He looked really deep in thought trying to give me an answer. He looked like he was fighting within himself.
“I guess I just got caught up in the moment.” He answered simply.
That’s the best answer he had? I couldn’t believe that was it. I didn’t know whether to scream or break down. He said so many sweet things before it happened. I felt like it was all just thrown out the window. He lied about it happening. Maybe he lied about what he said too. Forget it now I was just angry.
“Hmph…that’s so typical.” I said bitterly.
“What’s that suppose to mean?” JD asked.
“It’s a typical man thing to say to avoid the real reasons.” I threw at him.
“Excuse me, but I have nothing to avoid.” He threw back angrily.
“You know, you lied, you slept with that ho bag….You know what? Never mind. I don’t even know why I’m talking to you.” I said irritated.
I turned away from his angry gaze. I didn’t want to talk anymore. I just wanted out of that damn room.
“Let me tell you something sweetheart. First of all, with the kissing situation, this is a two way street. It’s completely unfair of you to be putting all the blame on me. You’re as much to blame as I am.” He blurted. I turned to him shocked. Before I could say anything, he kept talking. “Maybe if you would have controlled yourself better that night, none of this would have happened. And I don’t think you’re mad that it happened. I don’t even think you’re mad that I lied. I think you’re mad because you actually liked it.” He stared right through me knowingly.
“As if,” I started, “Where do you get the nerve to make such an insane accusation. You need to deflate that big head of yours before it takes up the whole room and it smothers us.” I yelled in his face.
“You are in complete and utter denial. You liked it and it bothers you. I bet you every time you think about it, it gets to you. Maybe it even makes you hot.” He was getting eerily close to me while he threw his words in my face.
“You know, I wouldn’t know what it felt like because I was drunk at the time and don’t remember a thing. I guess it wasn’t as good for me as it was for you. You’d think I’d remember how it felt if it made an inkling of an impact on me. Why don’t you go run back to Vicki and have another slumber party?” I shot back.
By that point we were nose to nose and breathing very heavily with anger.
“If the kiss didn’t have an impact then why are you fighting so hard about it in the first place? And why does it even matter who I sleep with? I think you’re just jealous because it wasn’t you.” JD asked bitterly.
“You’re twisting this whole situation into something its not. You lied to me and that’s what I fought with you about. You also made a promise not to go for that skank and apparently you lied to me there too.” I answered.
“Yea well instead of working the problem out you just turned your back on me and left.” He sated simply. He went straight for the heart.
“Well then I guess we’re even then huh.” I was far from apologizing at that point.
“I bet you left because you couldn’t face the fact that you felt something.” He commented.
“You’re crazy! In fact I could kiss you right now and it wouldn’t mean a thing.” I threw back at him.
“Oh yea?’ He questioned.
“Yea.” I said.
“I dare you.” He egged me on. He knew I couldn’t resist a dare.
We stared each other down until I grabbed his face in my hands and gave him what he asked for. Our lips pressed together with great force. I only planned on a quick kiss just to make my point but once it started it was hard to stop. We tore at each others lips like we couldn’t get enough. He crushed me right up against his chest like we couldn’t get close enough. I felt lost in his embrace. Just when I thought he was going to pull away, he started to part his lips slightly and deepen the kiss. My breath caught in my throat at the contact. Before I knew it my back was pressed up against the wall. That’s when the realization hit and I had to stop. I quickly pushed him away and when we parted we both struggled to catch our breath.
I wiped my mouth angrily like I was disgusted by it all. “See, nothing.” I said turning away to sit back in my corner.
I don’t know what he was thinking. I expected him to fight back but he just walked to the other side of the room and stayed quiet for the rest of the time we were stuck in there.
“You broke my heart along with every other guy I’ve ever known, and you’re my best friend. What am I suppose to do now?” I confessed in the silence.
That was the last thing said in that room. A lonely tear slid down my cheek. Everything was supposed to get better but it only kept getting worse. At that moment I just wanted to stay crawled up in a ball on the floor. I stayed there just thinking where I went wrong. Everything was going down hill. It was just one thing after another. Considering all that happened, my trust in men was shot to hell.
Finally I heard the door of the room being opened. I shot right up and practically ran out the door. I didn’t want to see JD’s face and I didn’t want to explain what happened in that room. All I knew was Lacey and Jessie’s attempts at a reconciliation with me and JD failed.
A week went by and I tried to keep myself busy. I consumed every inch of my time with work. I avoided every attempt at a conversation about what happened with me and JD. I also tried to avoid Lacey as much as I could. Considering we worked together it was hard. She knew I was upset with her. I know she was also upset because what she and Jessie did only made things worse. She apologized, every chance she got. I accepted every single one of her apologies but I just wanted a break from the whole situation.
“You know I’m sorry right?” Lacey asked while we were on our lunch break.
“Lacey I know. You don’t need to apologize anymore. I know your intentions were good. It wasn’t your fault it didn’t have a happy ending.” I reassured her.
“So you forgive me?” She smiled hopefully.
“Yes, don’t worry. I’m sorry it seems like I’m mad at you but its more that I’m just trying to keep busy.” I explained.
“I figured that.” She stated. “How about coming out with me tonight to really keep you busy?” She smiled brightly. I would fight her on that but I actually felt like going out anyway.
“I guess it couldn’t hurt.” I grinned.
“Really? I totally thought you were going to protest.” She admitted.
“Really, I’m totally down.” I said trying to be optimistic about it.
Later That Night
Lacey and I arrived at the club around 10pm. I was determined to try to have a good time. We made it a ladies night out of so there were no guys to bother with except for the ones on the dance floor.
We made our way to a small booth in the corner near the bar.
“I’m so glad you decided to come out Soph.” Lacey said excitedly. “I was starting to think you had completely given up on everything fun considering what’s happened. There’s still hope for you yet, girl. Plus it’s a nice change form your house.” She joked.
“Haha.” I said sarcastically. “My house is rather cozy thank you very much, maybe a bit boring but still cozy. Ok no talk of boys or problems tonight. I just want us girls to have some fun .” I told her.
“Agreed.” She added raising her glass.
We ordered some food and talked about everything and anything random. After a while we decided to hit the dance floor. Usually it took me a few drinks to get me on the dance floor but I wasn’t drinking. I guess I just got use to dancing in public.
While we were rocking out Lacey suddenly froze as she looked straight behind me.
“What’s up?” I asked worried.
“Oh nothing. Trust me you don’t want to know or look at what just walked in.” She said concerned.
It was reflex to look at what she told me not to look at. It was JD. Apparently he just walked into the club with Jessie.
I turned to Lacey. “Please tell me this wasn’t planned.” I pleaded with irritation.
She looked right on my eyes so I knew she wasn’t lying. “I swear, it’s a complete coincidence. I promise. I wouldn’t do that again after what happened last time.” She said truthfully.
So much for avoiding things.
“We could go if you want. I don’t mind.” She suggested.
I thought about it for a second. I wasn’t trying to prove anything so why would I leave and ruin the night more than it already was.
“Nah, it’s ok. If they come over here I can be civil. Or I’ll just pretend he’s not here.” I decided.
We went back to our table in hopes the night wasn’t completely ruined.
“They’re coming over here.” Lacey warned me.
I took a deep breath. It was going to be fine. At least that’s what I was trying to convince myself.
“It’s ok.” I patted her hand. “Like I said before, I’m going to be the bigger person here.”
“Hey Lacey, Sophie.” I heard Jessie say. Luckily he was alone when he came up to us.
I saw Lacey look at him with wide eyes.
“Look I swear I didn’t know this would happen. I told him lets have a boys night and he picked here. I didn’t know you two would be here the exact same night. I’m sorry, Soph. I tried to convince him to pick another place when we saw you guys but he insisted on staying.” He rambled like he was in trouble.
“Jessie, don’t worry about it. It’s just something him and I both have to deal with. It’s not like we’re never going to run into each other when we go out. We do live in the same area. Just relax.” I reassured him.
“Can I talk to you for a minute, honey?’ Lacey asked Jessie as she pulled him off to talk.
I stayed at the table alone just checking out the scene around me. Everyone was dancing and having a good time. As I scanned the crowd my eyes landed on JD standing at the bar. We locked eyes for a moment but then quickly turned away. I should have known this night was going to be eventful.
Lacey came back by herself and I saw Jessie meet JD at the bar.
“Okay so they’re going to stay but we’re all going to keep our distance. So just try to pretend he’s not here and we’ll be all good.” She said.
“Ok.” That was all I could say.
I grabbed Lacey to pull her back on the dance floor. That’s all I wanted to do all night. I wanted to get lost in the music and push out all negative thoughts. As long as I kept my feet moving, I was going to dance all night.
I must have been completely engrossed in dancing because I barely felt Lacey pulling me off the dance floor. She had to take a bathroom break so she told me to wait at our table. I wasn’t about to dance by myself anyway.
As I sat waiting for her I couldn’t help but look in JD’s direction. My heart jumped when I saw some girl hanging all over him. My heart fell a little. I had to admit to myself I was jealous. I was more jealous of the fact that the girl was gorgeous and that’s always what JD should have been associating with, not me. As much as it hurt to see him with another girl I couldn’t look away. Then I saw him grab her hand and lead her off to the dance floor. As they made there way through the crowd JD looked right at me with a quick glance. It startled me. It was like he knew I was watching him. My eyes still stayed glued in there direction. They danced and grinded up on each other like hormonal teenagers. My jealously quickly turned into anger and I was blazing. He knew that would get to me and that’s why he did it.
Lacey came back and interrupted my death stare.
“Whoa, if looks could kill.” She commented.
“Look at him dancing with that ho bag.” I blurted out.
She followed my gaze and raised an eyebrow. “Eww.” That’s all she said. As I was still raging in my head some guy came by our table to start a conversation.
“Hey, ladies, how’s it going?’ He asked.
The guy was pretty good looking but also sleazy at the same time. He was probably looking for some cheap thrill. I decided to use this to my advantage. If JD was going to play games, I would play a game of my own.
I looked at the man in front of me. “It’s going good. You want to dance?” It wasn’t like me to be so blunt so I ignored Lacey’s questioning eyes.
The guy just smiled and said, “Sure, let’s go.” He went to take my hand but before he could Lacey grabbed me.
“Can you give us a minute?” She asked the man. Then she turned to me and looked at me like I was crazy.
“Are you crazy? That is not a guy you want to be messing around with. If you’re trying to prove a point here that’s not the way to do it. Don’t be stupid.” She scolded.
“Look, MOM, don’t worry, it’s under control.” I said as I left her there dumbfounded.
The man led me to the dance floor and we immediately started moving to the music. As we were dancing I saw JD not too far away from me staring us down. I didn’t think he would notice as quickly as he did. When he saw me with the guy I couldn’t mistake the fire in his eyes. I gave him a taste of his own medicine. JD and I just stared at each other the whole time we were dancing. I barely noticed when the guy I was dancing with tried to slip his hand up my shirt. I quickly grabbed it to push it away hoping he would get the hint. As soon as his hand was moved it went right back to its conquest. JD was forgotten for a second as I tried to get the guy off of me. I probably should have listened to Lacey but I was always stubborn.
“What the hell are you doing?!” I yelled at the guy.
“Having a good time, isn’t that what you wanted?” He said with pleasure trying to grope me further.
“Look buddy, I was just dancing, not trying to dry hump on the dance floor.” I said trying to pull his hands away once again.
“Oh, come on honey, you know you want it.” He teased.
“No I don’t!” I retorted. “Just let me go!”
He still gripped at me ignoring my pleas. This whole thing was a stupid idea. I couldn’t believe I made things worse. I wanted to just get out of his grip so I could find the bouncer Eddie to take care of this guy but I couldn’t break free. My attempts were useless. I thought the guy was going to rip my clothes off right then and there.
All of a sudden I felt someone jerk the guy away from me.
“I believe the lady said to let her go.” I’d recognize that voice anywhere. I looked up to see JD hovering over the guy. I immediately went to his side.
“JD, it’s fine. Let’s just go.” I tugged at his arm to get him out of the situation before it turned into a fist fight. I hurt him enough and I didn’t need to get him hurt physically.
“Where you going, honey?” The guy asked as he grabbed me by my waste and pulled me against him hard.
“Get off of me!” I yelped in pain.
“Dude, let her go.” JD said sternly.
“And what are you going to do about it, punk?” The guy challenged.
“Just let her go and no one has to get hurt.” JD was angry and it scared me. He looked like he could kill the guy. I hoped the guy just listened to him because I wasn’t sure what would happen if he didn’t. Finally I was let go and pushed into JD’s arms.
“Whatever, the skank isn’t worth my valuable time anyway.” The guy spat. I couldn’t believe that insult. I wanted to beat him down myself but he wasn’t worth the effort.
Unfortunately, JD was about to rip the guy a new one. After that comment he immediately got in the guys face. I tried to pull him away but there was no use. I secretly cursed myself for not only dancing with the jerk but for not spending more extra time in the gym.
“Don’t you ever insult her like that again or you’re going to regret it.” JD threatened. They were right in each other faces.
“Whatever, dude, your dreaming if you think you could ever beat me in a fight. I would crush your scrawny ass.” He laughed.
“You want to try me?” JD challenged.
“Please, JD let’s just go.” I pleaded with him. I’ve never seen this side of him before. I’ve never even seen him get in a fight ever either. This was the last thing that needed to happen. I was really worried. I was pulling at his arm to move him for what felt like the longest time. Finally I just grabbed his face in my hands and forced him to look at me.
“Please, he’s not worth it.” I begged with tears brimming in my eyes. I saw his expression soften. He shook his head and let me lead him away from the guy. We turned to walk off.
“Hey.” The guy said before we got a chance to walk away. We both turned his way and as soon as we did he threw a punch right into JD’s face.
I was in complete and utter shock. JD didn’t skip a beat. He sprang right back and hit the guy right in the face. It looked like he was surprised at the impact of JD’s punch. He faltered back a little before springing into action again. Before I could say a word it turned in to a full out grudge match. I didn’t know what to do. I thought of cheering JD on for a second because it almost looked like he was winning. At the same time I freaked because I didn’t want him to get hurt. I must have been crazy because before thinking of doing something rational I decide to join in. I jumped on the other guys back and started screaming and beating him on the head. I knew JD could take him on his own but I wanted in on the action. Nobody hurts my friend without feeling my womanly wrath. It definitely distracted the guy cause after a few minutes of my beating he turned his attention to me on his back. He tried to claw me off of him.
“Get off me bitch!” He screamed.
I looked to see JD being held back by Jessie. Before I knew it somebody grabbed me off the guy’s back. Security had come to break it up. Thank goodness Eddie was working that night or I would have been in big trouble. He knew me and he would cheer me on rather than kick me out.
After everyone was calmed down I explained to Eddie what happened. They kicked that stupid guy out and took JD to the back to take care of any wounds he had. Lacey was all in a panic and I reassured her everything would be fine. I met JD in the back. I was scared to see if he was hurt bad. It would kill me to see him like that at my expense.
It wasn’t as bad as I imagined. His lip was busted open a bit and he had a welt on his face that would soon form into a black eye. Still I felt terrible. It was all my fault. Before I could say a word when he saw me he jumped up from his chair and walked quickly over to me.
“Are you crazy? What the hell were thinking getting in the middle of that? You could have gotten hurt!” He yelled. At least he cared if I got hurt or not.
“I’m sorry but I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing.” I said quietly.
“You’re so stubborn, you know that?” He laughed slightly.
“Yeah, it’s one of my biggest downfalls.” I confessed.
He sat back down and I followed. The people that were back there helping must have felt the tension in the room because they quickly retreated. There we were alone in a room once again. At least this time it was willingly.
I took a wet rag to clean the blood off of his face. He winced a little at the touch but let me continue anyway.
“Are you ok?” I asked concerned.
“I’ll survive.” He answered.
“I’m really sorry.” I apologized.
“It’s not your fault.” He looked in my eyes deeply.
“But if I hadn’t…..” I started.
He put his hand up in protest.
“It’s not your fault.” He said sternly. He swallowed hard. “Are you okay?” He asked.
“Are you kidding? You’re the one who got beat up.” I laughed nervously.
“First of all, I was winning. Secondly, you were the one being molested by that scum bag.” He pointed out.
“You know, you didn’t have to do that for me.” I said looking down at the floor.
“Yea I did.” He stated as he put his hand under my chin to bring my eyes to his. I quickly shifted away from his hand.
“You should probably get back to your date.” I told him.
“What date?” He asked confused.
I raised an eyebrow. “The girl you were dancing with.” I pointed out obviously.
“Oh, she’s not my date. She’s just a girl I danced with. That’s it.” He admitted.
“JD…” We spoke at the same time.
We laughed a little.
“You go first.” He insisted.
That was it. The walls I put up around me started to crumble fast. I couldn’t take anymore. I missed him more than words could say. If I had to sacrifice a piece of me to get him back, that’s exactly what I was going to do. I pushed my pride aside to save what little hope we had left.
“JD…I am so sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I never meant to hurt you. I’ve been in agony this whole time.” I couldn’t stop the tears from forming. “I was so blinded by lies that I could barely see what was in front of me. I shouldn’t have blown up so bad about everything. I don’t even know why I did. It just happened. I know I can’t take it back but…I miss you so much. This is worse than the years we spent apart, because instead of you being out of sight and out of mind, you were always there right in front of me and I couldn’t even touch you. It hurts even more to see the pain in your eyes and knowing I was the one who caused it. My heart breaks every time. I’m so sorry for walking out on you like I did that day. Then seeing you fighting with some ass whole, again because of me, I just couldn’t take it. I had to step in. The thought of something horrible happening to you…. I can’t even fathom. You mean the world to me. You always have and you always will.” I couldn’t stop the sobs from coming.
I wanted to just crawl up in a ball and let it all out. My knees were growing weak and I thought I might just fall right there in front of him. To my surprise, he pulled me into his lap and held me in his arms. It felt so good to feel him and have his scent so close to me again. We just sat there in silence. It was nerve wracking to wait for a response from him. I almost thought he wasn’t going to say anything. When my sobs died down I lifted my head and we were face to face, our eyes locked on each other.
“Sophie, there is not one day that has gone by that I wanted to just go to you and do what you just did. You’re not the only one who let their pride get in the way.” He chuckled. “I hid a lot of my emotions with anger. When you walked out that day a piece of me went with you. I was mad because I felt like you gave up. We never gave up on each other, just like we never lied to each other. I’m sorry for everything that I did. I’m sorry I didn’t have enough balls to tell you the truth. I was just so surprised by what happened, I guess I wanted to shield you from it. You were already going through so much. When I realized you didn’t remember what happen I chickened out. A part of me hoped you wouldn’t remember. Another part of me knew you would, eventually. I didn’t think it was going to be right away so I thought I had time to prepare for the wrath that would come my way. I knew there would be a fight. I hoped it wasn’t severe. The whole thing with Vicki was uncalled for and a huge mistake. I wasn’t the only one hurt. You were too and I wish there was some way to make it all go away but it’s just something we need to get through. As long as we work it out together we’ll be stronger than ever. I don’t ever want to lose you like that ever again.” I heard the strain in his voice and saw tears in his eyes. It looked like he wanted to continue but he just stopped right there. I hugged him so tight and I didn’t want to let go.
“We’re gonna be ok, right?” I whispered in his ear.
“Yea we are.” He answered. I smiled. We moved out of each others embrace and held each others hands tightly.
“Sophie, there’s something else I wanted talk to you about.” He said nervously.
“What is it?” I urged him.
He went to speak but was cut off by some commotion in the room. We both looked to see Lacey and Jessie making their way through the door. When she saw us Lacey smiled so widely I thought the whiteness of her teeth would blind us. I also saw tears come to her eyes. She ran right for us and gave us a big hug.
“Ouch, watch the face. It’s very sensitive.” I heard JD say.
We all laughed.
“Sorry.” Lacey said as she eased up on him. “So you guys are okay now?” She asked curiously.
“Yea. We’re good.” I said as I looked in JD’s direction. We smiled at each other.
Lacey clapped and jumped all over the place in excitement. She also ran and jumped right into Jessie’s arms.
“They’re ok!” She shouted directly in his face. JD and I busted out laughing when we saw Jessie almost duck for cover from her screaming at him.
“Yea babe, I could see that. You don’t have to scream it at me.” He stated the obvious. He let her out of his arms and she playfully smacked his shoulder.
“So now we could all party together for the rest of the night. That is, if you guys were up for it. That fight was pretty interesting, especially the part where some scrawny chick was hanging off psycho dude’s back.” She joked.
I laughed it off and turned to JD. “I am if you are.”
“I’m down.” He responded.
“Awesome, come on lets go!” Lacey was antsy to get the party going right and save whatever part of it wasn’t lost.
Before walking back out to the crowd I stopped JD by the door.
“Was there something else you wanted to talk about?” I asked him.
“Oh, ah, it’s ok. It’s not important. We could talk another day. And I promise you, there are going to be other days from now on.” He assured me.
“Ok, well how about another packed?” I asked.
“What did you have in mind?” He looked at me curiously.
“How about no giving up on each other no matter what? Also, whatever else comes our way we have to promise to face it together without hesitation. We have to promise to work it out and not let our pride take over.” I said with hope.
“Deal.” He reached out to shake my hand to seal the deal. Then he pulled me in for another hug.
“Come on lets party!” He pulled me along to meet back up with Lacey and Jessie.
Finally all was well again. I felt a huge wait lifted off my shoulders. My heart no longer ached. I felt whole again. What had caused such a rift in me and JD’s relationship was quickly forgotten. It was about damn time everything was resolved. At least that’s what I thought.