Thursday, June 27, 2013


Do we ever really know what we are doing?  Do we ever really make the right decisions?  How is knowledge gained if we can't learn from certain mistakes that we make?  The smartest people don't even have all the answers.  I guess in retrospect we shouldn't really have all the answers anyway.  If we did, there would be no surprises in life.  Everything would be completely predictable.  Who wants that?  Most people don't want to know what's going to happen next.  That's probably the best way to be.

Friday, June 21, 2013

New Beginning

After every end there is a new beginning.  Time to push forward and be happy.  It's scary but it's suppose to be.  Change is a good thing.  I think it's about time I make it the greatest decision of my life at this point.  No more negativity.  No more losing focus on what really matters.  No more letting other people bring you down.  I want to believe that what's meant to be will be.  So here's hoping.  After today I am going to take a deep breath and let everything go.  Start fresh.  Stop saying I am going to do this or that but actually do it.  I have to stop compromising myself for situations I have no control over.  Focus on living life and being happy with myself.  If I don't do that I will never be happy.  I realize that now.  Hopefully I could make moves to change that.  Don't hold back.  Be strong. 

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Just a little advice...

Every day is a new day.  So why not do something new everyday.  Do something you have always wanted to but never got a chance to.  Make a list and follow through.  You will be happy you took the time.

If you are passionate about something or want to stand up for what you believe in, do it.  Take charge and make a positive difference in the world around you.  Open people's eyes and minds to different possibilities.  In turn you make also open up your mind even more.

Don't sweat the small stuff.  It's not worth stressing over.  There are bigger things in life to worry about.  So let go of the excess baggage.  Trust me you will feel a lot better and lighter when you shed it off your shoulders.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Shut Off

How does one shut off there emotions?  If you ask me it's extremely hard.  Unless you are a vampire from Vampire Diaries where you can just switch it off.  But even then the emotions still come back to haunt you. It's hard to act like you don't care when clearly you do.  Though sometimes you are forced to have to close off because other people have "issues."

This happens far too much in my life.  It's always been when I really want someone, I can't have them.  It's getting old.  I don't know how much longer it can be tolerated.  My heart can't take much more of this.  I care too much about people and my relationships with them.  I have no idea how to not care.  One day that mere fact may destroy me.  That is, if it hasn't already. 

My situation requires a lot more communication than it's getting.  But how does one go about having a serious conversation without compromising the current situation in a negative way?  I know eventually it will blow up in someones face.  Well I don't want it to blow up.  I just want answers.  And it's better to have them now rather than later, right?

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Oh Boy

Oh boy...rough weekend.  Let's start over.  Clean slate.  Just a thought to anyone out there reading this...Eff it! Let's make the rest of the summer epic!

Thursday, June 6, 2013


It's official.  Moving on from something you have invested in for quite some time can be hard.  It can also be a step in the right direction.  Change isn't easy but it can be worth it.  If we can help it, we should always move forward in life not back. 

I am letting go of something I have been hanging onto for quite some time.  It was something I was so use to so I held on to it.  But I held on longer than I should have.  Now letting go is definitely emotional but I know it's the right decision.  It wasn't what I wanted in my life so it's time to go after what I truly want.  Or I should say, what I truly NEED.

I really feel like I am finally getting the courage to do what I have been meaning to do for so long.  I am taking bigger steps and it feels good.  I don't need to just settle for what I am use to.  I need to stare my fears right in the face and push through them.  I need to experience things I have never experienced before.  I need to make it all worth investing my time in.  I need this change and it starts NOW.

Actually it technically started yesterday haha...  

If you need to make a change in your life, do it.  No matter how scary it gets you should at least try.  You don't need to spend your life with too many 'what ifs.'  You need your life to have more 'I tried' or 'I did it.'  Success isn't easy but when you reach your goal, all you go through to get there will be well worth it.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013


Why do we put ourselves in situations that tend to torture us.  It's like we know it's a bad situation yet we can't help but hold on hoping it changes as time goes by. 

Will it ever change.  I know I have been making bad decisions.  But I just want to be bad.  It's like having an addiction.  I can't let it go.  Not yet at least.  My heart holds on to the possibility, while my head says run.  Well maybe not run but definitely take a step back. 

I don't know how to handle this or what to do.  There's too much history there.  That's what makes it complicated.  Well it's not complicated for me because I know what I want at this point.  The other party on the other hand confusing as hell.

Let me tell you something.  When you're young you just want to party and sleep with anybody. When you get older relationships have different meanings. At least from my experience.  I definitely don't mind being single at the moment.  You can do whatever you want.  You don't have to answer to anyone.  You don't have to feel guilty if you sleep around.  You can date around and see what's out there.  But how long can you really be that way until it takes its toll.  You have your fun for a while.  Then you just start to feel lonely.  You wonder if your worthy to be in a relationship.  You think about the future and maybe starting a family.  All these questions pop up.  So again it's nice to be single but at the same time it would be nice to have someone to grow old with.  Someone who will still love you when your youth is gone.  Someone you can tolerate for the rest of your life.

I am in a situation where I want to be with someone but that someone skirts around the idea.  I feel like I am in an older state of mind than he is.  This is the most difficult situation I have ever been in.  And honestly I don't know what to do.  I know what I want but I don't have a choice but to sit back and let it be.  If I say what I need to say it might turn into a huge disaster and I could lose one of my best friends.  That's why I don't say anything.  I have to sit back and be tortured.  Possibly see him with other girls as he pushes me aside. It breaks my heart.

Why hold onto a person that keeps breaking your heart?  I wish I knew the answer to that.  The heart wants what the heart wants.  We can't help the way we feel.