Friday, May 31, 2013


So I am thinking that some things should be kept private.  Over the past few months I have been spilling my guts out to friends about a certain situation I am in.  Now I think that may have been a mistake.  I think I just got so excited and caught up in it that I couldn't keep it to myself.  It was all I talked about.  It consumed my thoughts so I felt like I had to let it all out. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Whatever.  Can't go back and change it now. So this time around I am going to try to keep my situation more private.  If I don't reveal a lot maybe it will be less stressful and easier to handle.  I feel like if I do that then things may work out better. Talking too much about it has only made it worse.  It's kind of like hyping up a movie so much but when you actually go see it, it winds up sucking.  Haha.  So no more hype, no more drama, just let it flow.  Keep it private.  It's better off that way.


Let's face it. For a lot of us in today's society its very hard to be health conscious.  There are way too many unhealthy toxins out there that people just can't get enough of.   So when trying to be health savvy it is very hard to stick with it unless you have been healthy for most of your life. 

I have learned that if you want something done you have to do it yourself.  I wish I could hire a nutritionist and personal trainer to tell me what to do with how to eat and exercise.  Unless you make a lot of money it isn't happening.  So you have to take matters into your own hands. 

Some tips for a healthy start:
Stay away from fast food.
Limit bread intake.
Eliminate sodas and other sugary drinks.
Drink plenty of water.
Don't over eat.
Portion your meals.
Exercise everyday.  Even if it's just a walk around the block, it helps.

Now I am definitely not an health expert but I'm trying to learn more everyday.  It's all about will power.  You want to be healthy and in shape then take the steps to get yourself there.  It's probably not as hard as you think. In time when you see and feel results you will feel like a new person. 

Thursday, May 30, 2013


Why can't people want what they CAN have instead of what they CAN'T have?  I get it that sometimes the pursuit can be fun. But if you actually do get it, the majority of the time you find out you never really wanted it in the first place. What you realize is you actually wanted what you could have already had. Usually by the time that happens it's too late and you completely lost the best thing you could have ever had.


I am starting to realize more and more that you can't be truly happy with another person until you are truly happy with yourself.  You have to be happy with your own life.  You have to be confident and comfortable in your own skin.

I am not the most confident person.  No bueno.  Here is why.  Everywhere I look I always compare myself to other people.  I always think other women are much prettier than I am.  This has been for most of my life. I don't like the way I look.  That has to change.  I can't spend my days not being confident in my own skin.

Comparing yourself to others is probably one of the worst things you can do to yourself.  It just brings you down. Makes you feel like less than you are.  No one person looks exactly alike. You are your own unique YOU.  Be who are and love who you are. Don't worry about what other people think.  The ones that matter will love you no matter what.  The ones that don't aren't worth having in your life.


So you know the feeling when you're having like the best time ever and you don't want it to end?  Had that feeling last night, but unfortunately it had to end due to the fact I had work at 8:30 the next morning.  I really thought I would have had a major hangover but for some reason I woke up refreshed.  Which is also weird because I didn't get much sleep.  I might still be drunk right now as we speak.  Feeling a little too happy this morning and I am not a morning person whatsoever.  Just felt like sharing.  Weird.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Tell Me

How is anybody going to know anything if nobody says anything or asks questions??  Can anyone say elephant in the room?

I am the type of person who would rather put it all out on the table and not hold it in.  I need to say what I gotta say and would like people to do the same.  It's hard to function when you have to hold it all in because the other person doesn't let it all out. 

I understand people have their own way of doing things but it's just getting to me a little bit.  Just tell me! Haha

Tell me how you feel.
Tell me what you know.
Tell me what you want.
Tell me what you don't want.
Tell me your hopes and dreams.
Tell me you need me.
Tell me you don't need me.
Tell me if I am wasting my time.
Tell me if it's worth it to wait.

It's all just a long list of unanswered questions.  I know they say some things are better left unsaid but in this case say something.

Friday, May 24, 2013

The Story I Wrote

I was looking back at the story I wrote, Through Sophie's Eyes.  I realized it's strangely ironic that this story is somewhat unfolding in my real life right now.  It doesn't have every detail, of course, but it's pretty damn close.  Only the real life version may not have a happy ending.  The ending is still pending.  Why does everything have to be so complicated?  It's a lot more simple than everyone makes it.  You love somebody, they love you back, you take that chance and be together. 

I know what I want but does he?  I will sit here and question every single detail about every single thing that goes on.  But I will never know the answers because he doesn't tell me anything.  Give it time they say.  See how it pans out they say.  It will all work out the way it's suppose to they say.  Patience may be a virtue but honestly how long can a person wait before they completely go mad. 

All I know about the situation is that it's hard to find what me and this friend have.  Everyone should be able to fall in love with their best friend.  Now I am not saying I am IN love with my best friend but at this moment it's pretty damn close.  But I don't think he feels the same way.  He cares about me but he's "confused."  Go figure.

Anyways back to my point about how everyone should fall in love with their best is why.
It's simple. Stating the obvious, they are your BEST FRIEND.  You can talk to them about anything.  They know you inside out.  They accept you for who you are.  They know your every flaw, every pet peeve, just every part of you and still stick around.  They know how to deal with you.  They know when your sad or happy.  They know how to make you laugh.  They know how to annoy you. They know when to fight with you or when to back off and leave you alone.  They know how to work it out with you.  They get you.  They understand you.  They encourage you, believe in you, and genuinely love you.  I can go on and on and on but you get the point.

I want somebody to love.  I want someone to be happy with.  I want someone to laugh with and cry with.  I want someone to fight with and make up with.  Someone that will accept me for every inch of me.  Someone to love unconditionally.  I want to tell someone I love you without any hesitation. And I want them to feel the same way about me.  I want a future, a family, and a messy but great life to share with someone.  Where can I find that?  I was hoping it was already here but again it's still pending.

Love is finding someone you can tolerate for the rest of your life.

Wish me luck and good luck to you as well.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

I Knew

I knew things would start to get better.  What a difference a day makes.  I am already starting to feel better about a lot of things just by the mere fact of changing my attitude and perspective.  Things are definitely looking up.

I have decided to start really focusing on my passion these days,  which is songwriting.  I am also getting an acoustic band together.  Feels good.  I also want to start being more healthy because I realize that the healthier I am physically the healthier I am mentally.

It's the little things that make the biggest differences in your life.  Like I said before, start small and you will see a difference right away.  Don't let your fears bring you down.  Make the change no matter how scary.  it will be worth it!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013


It would be great to just run and hide from everything and everyone.  Just to have alone time to figure things out.  That's not happening.  There's too much going on.  Too much to leave behind. But it's nice to think about.  Maybe go to the beach, stick my toes in the sand, take a breather.  Clear my head.  All and all everyone needs a chance reevaluate.  At some point we all need to figure out what our lives should be like for us to be happy.  If you ever feel like everything is going wrong and nothings going to get better take a breather.  Take some time to figure out what you need to do differently to get through everything.  Figure the steps you need to take.  Right them down if you have to.  There are always different choices you can make everyday.  Start small and slowly but surely things will get better if you let them.  Let go of the bad and embrace the good.  Start anew.  I myself decided to reevaluate.  Just thinking about it puts a smile on my face.  So you can imagine how great it would be to adhere to some of those life changes.  There is never a reason to not be happy.  So do your part. BE HAPPY.  Live life the way you want it.  Don't hesitate. Take chances. Make a difference. Whatever you have to do, do it!  Be amazing! Smile! make other people smile! Anything you can think of just do it!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Who Knows

I know this isn't going anywhere. So essentially all I am really doing is venting into mid air.  But it helps so. 

Maybe it's time to reevaluate everything.  What's going on, what I am doing, how I really feel.  I am most definitely lost.  Been that way for quite some time.  I don't know why it's so hard for me to do what I need to do to make things better.  It shouldn't be this hard.  My fears just always get in the way.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of failing.  Fear of disappointing people. Fear of getting my heart completely broken. 

I have realized over the past few months that I try to make other people happy  more than I try to make myself happy.  I also realized you can't satisfy everyone even if you really want to.  I don't want to be selfish but I also can't be selfless.  There has to be a balance or else no one will be happy. 

It's been really hard keeping up these days.  I work 2 part time jobs 6 days a week and got bills to pay.  I feel as thought I am getting paid with m&ms.  My days are molding together so much that I can't tell a Monday from a Friday anymore.  I have been in a financial struggle for years now.  You would think I'd get the hint to push forward and fight for a career that actually matters to me.  We'll see.

Love.  It sucks.  It hurts. I have never been one to struggle in love but this time around it's complicated.  It's not complicated because of me but it's complicated because of him. I keep going back and forth on how I feel because he's playing stupid childish games.  I don't know how else to deal with this but to confront him as my adult self and hope for the best. 

I'm tired of waiting for something to happen but somehow I still wait.  I know what the right things to do are but I just don't do them.  Maybe just maybe I should change it up and do what's right for ME.  Forget everybody else.  I need to get my shit together and then maybe everything else will fall into place. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013


I will never understand why people play games.  Games are for kids.  People just can't be real with each other anymore.  For once I want someone to just tell me what is going on.  Tell me what's real.  Tell me what the deal is.  Tell me how you feel.  Tell me what you're thinking.  Be honest and straight forward.  Stop being childish and be a grown up.  When you're an adult there is no need for these stupid games.  I am an adult. I will tell you the truth.  I will be straight forward.  I will be honest.  I would hope everyone would do the same for each other.  Don't get stuck in a situation that is unresolved.  Do what you have to do to make things right even if that means sacrificing a part of yourself. Don't put off the inevitable. In the end it will all be worth it.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Just Be

I want to make something of myself.  Doesn't everybody?  I just don't know where to begin.  How do you access a life that you crave that is so unattainable?  It's like you need step by step instructions.  I wish it was that easy.  If I had something or someone guiding me in the right direction I would probably have accomplished something by now.  But I have learned over the years that is not possible.  You are your own guidance.  You have to make the moves to get to where you want to be.  You have to push yourself.  No one is going to do it for you.  You can't rely on anyone but yourself to get things done.  It's unfortunate but true.

What do you do when you feel like your dreams are better than actual reality?  Make your dreams your reality.  I don't want to feel like I sleep more than I live.  I want to feel like I have LIVED.  It's time to wake up.  Push aside what you think you know.  Dive into the unknown.  Learn as much as you can.  Do as much as you can.  Live as much as you can and do it NOW.  Now is the time.  Make things happen.  You will never regret the good things you accomplish in life especially if there is an obstacle threatening to tear you down and you push through it.  Be proud. Be HAPPY.  Just BE.